*sigh* This on-going experience of living abroad has been like a dream... I look back on our time here, and its like snap shots.
I love how easy it is to make friends here, and simply be yourself. Say whatever crosses your mind, and not have to review every single word in your head before saying it...
I'm here to bring with me a bag of experiences! Living with Vainglorious is a whole different experience ;p I'm having this 'love-hate-relationship' going on with Vain ;p
*HALT!* What's written above was a draft I wrote about 10 days ago. ;p I just wanna leave it to that and start talking about other things... Yeah I know so random of me, but just go with it OK! It's not like we get to post everyday ;p
Hope you guys are not confused by this, but what the hell right?! ;p Hmm... So I'm here in K-Town, and boy do I miss NO ONE! JK ;p I miss my family, and one special pregnant friend ;p now that I saw them, I'm done missing them! Yes I'm cold hearted now, that's what living abroad does to you! lol ;p It's too bad that I can't really enjoy my holiday, simply because I have projects to deliver by January. I really need a break, and stop thinking. Bs shnsawei b3d, gotta do what we gotta do...
Let me tell you about my reversal cultural shock ;p I've never stayed out of the country for more than a month and a half.. let alone living abroad for over 3 months, have changed me! Not extremely, but in a way that made me convinced that "Yep..Yep, society sucks!" ;p I felt more like myself out there... I came here, and it all came back to me, even though I prepared myself for it. Knowing how things are gonna flow, and I used to laugh about it with Vainglorious, going "oOoo 3ad al7een, we'll be facing this, that, and that!" ;p despite all the psychological preparation... It still gets to us! Now I understand why I snap a lot here (Yes, mystery solved) ;p
Anyroad, so now I'm like "wow.... WTF am I gonna do when I'm done with my program, and get back to my life?!" Even if in the future I have things going here for me... that's not enough.. I'm not crazy about my surroundings aka "society" Damn! Shldibraaah?!
I used to be a very content person with what I have.. If something doesn't happen for me, then so be it. But, now... I can't stand the idea for just settling for something that is "OK"
Let me tell you what's on my mind, yes 7adi raythah.. so you better sit put and listen! ;p
You see my only major problem with being abroad, is the program itself.. It's demanding, puts me in pressure, and I'm the kind of gal who can't work under pressure, I just hate it, and hate even more the way I handle it by eating my feelings! (Not cool at all! ;p) but, this does have a teeny tiny upside to it, which is helping me learn how to work under pressure, turn a weakness around.. (Inshallah Rbi ygaderni!) That's the only single thing that bothers me there... and of course an issue that's been going for years, unfortunately I can't talk to any living soul about! Sure it's eating me alive, wreaking my daily life, possess 99.7 % of my thinking, accumulates a high percentage of my grumpy/crankiness *deep breath* but, its up to me to solve it. Sometimes I think the only way to solve this problem, is by disappearing from everyone for a couple of months, in order to pursue just that single issue, get it sort out so everything else can just go well in my life. Moving on...
Since I moved out, I've noticed that I have become a very sensitive person. You guys! I'm telling you, tears have never been so darn close! lol ;p I don't know why....
It's official... "I'm home when I'm away, and away when I'm home" it breaks my heart saying it.. but I can't find myself here, nor that I found myself abroad... I'm working on that. It aches that I can't relate to things here... They talk and talk... and to me its irrelevant :( What a shame, cause I love my country despite all the crap it's going through... I wish I had the green light to settle permanently abroad, but I don't want to be the one breaking my parents heart. I'll just take things as they come, hope for the best, and pray for what's suitable.
My life has taken an intriguing turn, I'm trying to be honest to myself (One of Vainglorious' advices to me ;p)
Enough said...
"It's better to say too much, than never to say whatcha you need say"
4 comments:
weeeee misssssed u guyssss, finally sm1 wrote smth!
and who the hell found himself anyways? im still lost & dunno what i want from my life . . . im a complete useless human being but im living & doing whats infront of me :P
i stopped thinking or worrying about finding myself coz it seem i'll never find her :)
wishing u all the best love :*
Finally!!! :D God I missed reading you guys's posts! You don't work well under stress but you sure as hell love making those lists! So... make a list of everything you need to do and start checking things off. As for the culture shock, I lived in the states for 7 years and moving back to Kuwait was 6rag ib wayhi. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. It took me a loooong time to learn but, don't let where you live determine who you are or how you act. Be yourself and 7ayallah ib the people who accept you for you and those who don't 5alywaloon :p And for the issue that's been bothering you, write it out as a blog post. You guys really helped me out with that thing that was bothering me for years. It won't solve itself so you have to talk to someone about it. Lol at the missing/un missing people! :p
I really hope you guys post more often! I'm here if you need me;**
Welcome back to blog world. Missed you guys so much. Happy New Year and love love love my blog sisters V & A. :)
swera:
We missed u more! Apologize for not being a regular commenter to ur blog ;p
Wallah swera sometimes I think I did... and its right there.. and times I'm in utter mess don't know what I really want ;p
I wish you the same, and more hon. ;* Glad ur enjoying ur new job ;)
r.alsharif:
lool we're trying to work our way through that list!
Of course living here has its perks ;p but as Vain told me today, and I agree.. That the problems is with the people not the country obviously.. And I'm just gonna be me... and adapt to things the way we used to... It'll be OK inshallah :)
Thanks Rawan for being there ;* Appreciate it, and we're here to if you needed anything ;)
Inshallah we get to post more often.. We miss it. Hope miss Vain gets her muse back too ;p
Expat and the City:
Thaaaank You Expat! ;* It's good to be back, and we wish you a very Happy New Year, blessed with health and happiness. Love u ;*
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